.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
