I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
i think i just naturally attract stoners
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
