The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
