How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Also, beer. Big fan.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
