I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
