we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Why is your signature on my underwear?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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