i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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