If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
