Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you win again, gameday.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
