god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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