I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
