Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Is it penis luge time yet?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
