i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
