God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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