im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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