your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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