But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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