You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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