If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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