If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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