I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
