I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
