Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
