lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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