Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
