he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
