what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
