I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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