hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
