Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My room smells like vodka and shame
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Randomize
