You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Randomize
