Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
