smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
