if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
