I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
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