Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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