Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
