My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
