so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
