Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm eating all of the evidence.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
