I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
