He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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