I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
