oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
