Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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