do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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