Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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