you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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