We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
