we're blogging at a bar
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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