9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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