well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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