Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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